September 16, 2005
Those Plucky Brits A quick
Those Plucky Brits
A quick glance at the British will give a reader the impression of something we have long suspected—that successful American politicians are quite dull. Sure, there are a few outlying nutters in the American political landscape—Maxine Waters comes to mind—but, for the most part, the average senator or congressman is a prosaic character.How, you may or may not be asking yourself, do we know that? Well, we’re darn glad you asked. A few days ago, one of the junior editors here at “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly”—let’s just call him “Chip”—took a gander at The Weekly Telegraph, the ex-pat version of London’s famed Daily Telegraph (a.k.a. The Torygraph, thanks to its fair and balanced coverage).
A couple of stories to be found in the September 7-13 number of that paper made it as clear as day to us that the average American congressman is a real lightweight in comparison with those orthodontically-challenged politicians across the pond.
For example, check out a delightful sentence from an article entitled “‘Respect’ advisor sang binge praises”:
Tony Blair last week placed control of his “respect agenda” in the hands of an advisor who praised binge drinking, threatened to “deck” Downing Street officials and boasted about how she likes to get “hammered.”
Now there’s some color for you. This woman, one Louise Casey, is the Prime Minister’s pick for a task force dedicated to eradicating “anti-social behavior.” Clearly, she is the right woman for the job. Perhaps Mr. Blair was particularly enamored of such wise sayings of Ms. Casey as “Doing things sober is no way to get things done.”
Well, we suppose that Ms. Casey doesn’t sound “anti-social” to us. She probably fancies club hopping quite a bit.
Okay, you say, so the Prime Minister has promoted a drunken lout to a government post seemingly dedicated to ridding the United Kingdom of drunken louts. Big deal. After all, our own country is home to such louche non-teetotalers as Ted Kennedy. And he could probably drink Ms. Casey under the table. And then drown her.
You want something more, in a word, inflammatory? You’ve got it. Check out this little tidbit, culled from a piece titled “Peer started hotel fire after drinking spree”:
The career of a Labour politician was in ruins after he admitted setting fire to a hotel when he was told he could not have more alcohol.
Lord Watson of Invergowrie, 56, is to resign from the Scottish Parliament and as a director of Dundee United and could be sent to prison when he is sentenced this month.
The court was told that he set fire to a curtain after he was refused a drink at the Prestonfield House Hotel in Edinburgh after last November’s Scottish Politician of the Year awards.
We don’t care who you are, dear reader: That is utterly fantastic. It should cause such American also-ran crazies as John Conyers, Patti Murray, and Howard Dean great consternation. Whilst our boring zanies are off blabbing about the goodness of al Qaeda and the evils of America, British nutters are off setting hotels ablaze.
Come on, Howard Dean: Get with the program! Stop frothing at the mouth and start urinating on fire hydrants. Our country needs you.
