September 28, 2005

A Sudden Realization Oftentimes, we,

A Sudden Realization

Oftentimes, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” lament the fact that this humble “weblog” isn’t exactly a paragon of popularity. To be sure, we have a few rabid fans, some of whom are kindly enough to write us with words of encouragement.

Still, we’re not exactly the Internet’s number one “website.” In fact, last we checked, we weren’t even number three.

All the same, dear reader, a trip to our local supermarket made us realize something that had never occurred to us. Actually, it made us feel quite grand about our humble “website’s” complete lack of fans.

As far as we can intuit, dear reader, most Americans are complete idiots. We know, we know: That appears to be a rather strong sentiment. But we actually think it’s true, even though it had never struck us before.

For instance, dear reader, whereas a quality journal such as The New Criterion or The Spectator isn’t a popular choice in our local supermarket, a complete piece of garbage such as People is actually a big favorite. In fact, shocking as it may sound, it appears as if The New Criterion isn’t even available at the local greengrocer’s.

Frankly, this sudden realization—sad as it is—makes us feel quite good about ourselves. Perhaps our “weblog” is as popular as fungus because of its high quality. Maybe we’re “webloggers” who are way before their time. It seems possible that no one reads “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly” because they are busy perusing pornographic “websites” and following football.

If this all proves true, the quality of this “weblog” is going to have to decline precipitously in order to wrestle in the readers. In short, we’re pariahs because we’re brilliant.

We’re Van Gogh with ears. We’re Jackson Pollocks without horrid drinking problems and poor vehicular skills. We’re Lord Byron without the club feet. We’re Shakespeare with more hair. We’re…well, you get the idea.

As happy as this has all made us feel, we must admit we have a few pangs of doubt. After all, though darn near everything that Americans like is crap, lots of stuff Americans don’t like is also crap. Hmmm….

Posted at September 28, 2005 12:01 AM | TrackBack