College Administrators

Over the course of this humble �weblog�s� humble existence, we, the crack young staff of �The Hatemonger�s Quarterly,� have admittedly taken many a potshot at American academics. Although we have found many other suitable targets of obloquy�Tony Danza, for example�Roger Kimball�s tenured radicals have come in for more than their share of unfair hectoring.

In today�s humble �post,� then, we, the crack young staff of �The Hatemonger�s Quarterly,� aim to make it up to our ivory tower pals by excoriating a target loathed even by professors. And no, we don�t mean Ronald Reagan or George W. Bush. Rather, we are talking about those who are surely the most vexatious of humanoid creatures, college administrators.

As irksome as hypocritical pseudo-radical professors may be (and believe us, they�re pretty bad), college administrators are far, far worse. They�re the Hitler to the academic�s Mussolini. They�re the Phil Collins to the academic�s Pointer Sisters. They�re the XFL to the academic�s WNBA. They�re the�well, you get the picture.

In fact, we, the crack young staff of �The Hatemonger�s Quarterly,� despise college administrators with such gusto that we�d never name our sons Dean. (Our daughters? Well, maybe.) If you ask us, the only good Dean in this world was Dean Martin. And that�s just because he was a mildly entertaining lush.

So what, you may be asking yourself, makes the average college administrator so repellent? Well, let us pass over administrators with such roles as �Affirmative Action Officer��the closest the multiculti Left comes to the Gestapo. Such social gerrymandering experts are surely supremely troublesome, but we don�t feel like spending today�s humble �post� on such noxious twits.

Instead, we�ll focus on the garden-variety college administrator. What makes this chucklehead so unbearable?

Well, for starters, college administrators are the prime spouters of obnoxious politically correct buzzwords such as �dialogue� and �diversity.� Naturally, they employ these terms in a strictly Orwellian fashion. To misquote a Nazi bigwig, every time you hear the word �dialogue� on a college campus, you ought to reach for your gun.

If this weren�t suitably offensive, there�s the whole matter of these smarmy administrator�s entire livelihoods. They must placate various Left-of-Stalin faculty members, whilst raking in bucks for their sickeningly wealthy universities. That is to say, they must pretend to placate the anti-capitalist crowd, whilst serving their corporate bitches. They can natter on about �diversity� all they want, but all they really care about is the bottom line.

Now we, the crack young staff of �The Hatemonger�s Quarterly,� don�t want to run afoul of our sundry free-market-loving readers, but, in a contest between anti-capitalist faculty and horrifyingly hypocritical administrators, we�ll sit in solidarity with the womyn�s studies whiners any day of the week.

Strangely, though, for all the tenured radicals� bleating about the impending revolution, they never seem to get on the bad side of their college�s administrations. Funny, that.